


I Wish Mine Was As Long As Yours

by NoSleepUntilVacation



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Big Brother Sans, Eavesdropping, Gen, Innuendo, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 01:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14739791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoSleepUntilVacation/pseuds/NoSleepUntilVacation
Summary: Sans overhears a very weird conversation between his brother and a certain celebrity.





	I Wish Mine Was As Long As Yours

Sans leaned back on the couch, resting his head on the arm, as he read his novel. Just another ordinary day on the surface. Well, ordinary except for the fact that there was company in his and Papyrus' house. But Mettaton was up in Papyrus' room, so there was that.

Papyrus had been overjoyed when he'd had the chance to meet Mettaton for the first time, thanks to Undyne, Alphys, and Frisk. Sans, on the other hand, was wary at first. With celebrities, it could be hard to tell if they really wanted to be your friend, or if they just wanted a sycophant, or even if they wanted to lead you on and then abandon you for the drama. Ever since Sans developed depression, Papyrus had been one of the only reasons why he'd ever get out of bed; if Papyrus ever became broken, Sans knew there would be hell to pay, for himself as well as for the perpetrator.

So far, however, things seemed to be going well. Papyrus always sounded happy whenever he told Sans about everything he and Mettaton had done during their little hangouts. And something about the way Mettaton carried himself... although he was a famous actor for a reason, something in Sans' mind wanted to tell him that he wasn't acting. One time, Sans and Mettaton had even played pool together when the three of them went to the local rec center; while Mettaton certainly was overjoyed whenever he won a game and dismayed when he lost, he was at least gracious to Sans no matter what the result was.

Once he made it to the end of the current chapter, Sans marked his book and stood up. Might as well check up on the two, yeah? Sure, if they needed anything, Papyrus would probably get it himself, but there was no harm in checking.

As he climbed the stairs, he wondered what the two were doing. Having a posing contest? Watching music videos? Making crafts with lots of glitter? Sans just knew there would be a huge mess if the latter were the case. Glamorous and over-the-top fit Mettaton to a T (not just any T, mind you, but an MT-T), and Papyrus admired him so much that he often loved to copy him. Whatever they were doing, it had to be something cool.

Finally, he made it to Papyrus' closed door, and was just about to knock, when...

"Well, I... I haven't really done this before."

He froze. That was Papyrus talking right there... what was he talking about?

"Don't worry, darling. There's a first time for everything."

_First time...?_ Sans trembled a bit. They were just talking about some kind of game, right? _Right?_

Suddenly, he heard Papyrus straining, like he was struggling with something. Sans' jaw was agape. _What the f-_

"It's not working!"

"Darling... darling. Listen: I had to do this before with my old body. I don't have to now that I have this form." For a brief moment, his voice dipped so low that Sans couldn't hear what he said, and then it came back. "Don't try to force it."

"Then what do I do?"

"Just close your eyes and relax. Imagine it growing out of you. Nice and easy..."

For the next several seconds, there was silence. Sans felt sweat dripping down his skull. What was going on in there? Papyrus... his little brother couldn't possibly be doing what he thought he was doing! Even if he took into account that Papyrus was old enough to make his own decisions about these things, the fact still stood that he and Mettaton were still just friends; Sans had never seen them kiss, or heard them saying lovey-dovey things to each other (Mettaton's pet names didn't count, since he called everybody by those names), and if Mettaton and Papyrus did become a couple, they would be the last people ever to keep it a secret.

He was just about to turn on his heel and leave, but before his foot could make any meaningful movements, he heard Mettaton's voice.

"Oh my... it's beautiful!"

Then returned Papyrus' voice, less confident.

"It's... it's so short..."

Sans' eye socket felt like it twitched. _What... the actual..._

Papyrus' voice continued. "I wish it was as long as yours."

Sans closed his eyes and cradled his forehead in his hand. _Oh my god bro if the two of you are dating now then it's only the first date and you don't have to go that far right away--_

"It just takes some practice, Papyrus. As long as you keep trying, it could be as long and luscious as mine one day!"

In the depths of Sans' skull, he felt like he was witnessing something that was so horrible that he couldn't look away. It couldn't possibly get any worse...

"Wowie! Really, Mettaton?"

"Absolutely, gorgeous! It might even reach the floor someday!"

_And that's why you don't tempt fate, kids._

If Sans wasn't so worried about being heard, he would have fallen backward and crashed onto the ground. As things were quiet for a moment (if the two were still talking, they were really quiet), Sans just stood there, shaking in his slippers.

_A problem has been detected, and "Sans" is not responding. The program will be closed, and you will be notified if a solution is available._

"Nyeh! I know! Let's ask Sans!"

_Maybe not! Oh crap oh crap oh crap--_

Thinking quickly, Sans summoned his teleportation spell, and before he knew it, he was back on the couch. He hoped to every deity imaginable that they hadn't heard him as he grabbed his book. Sans opened it and pretended to be deeply engrossed in it as he heard two sets of footsteps heading down the stairs.

"There you are, Sans! I was hoping to talk to you."

Sans lowered the book and grinned. "Oh. Hey, bro." Papyrus didn't seem to notice that he'd been outside the door, or that he was nervous right now; if he did, he didn't say anything.

Unfortunately for Sans, Mettaton was just a little more observant. "Sans, dear, is there any particular reason why you're shaking?"

"I am?" Sans was sweating a bit. "I'm... getting to a really tense part in this book. I can't tell you about it 'cause it's got spoilers, but it's got me on the edge of my seat. Literally!"

Just to prove his point, he scooted just a tiny bit until he was literally sitting on the edge of the seat, winking at the others.

Papyrus sighed. "Sans, you know you shouldn't sit like that. It's bad posture!"

"Eh." Sans shrugged. "I'm not dead yet." _At least, I hope not._

"Anyway..." Papyrus' face became less annoyed, softening into a worried expression. "I need to ask you about something personal."

Sans' eyelights widened, and sweat rolled down his skull again as he grinned awkwardly. "Uhhh... define personal."

For a moment, Papyrus stood there with an utterly bewildered look on his face. Did Sans feel okay? Regardless, he decided to continue. "Well, you see, Mettaton and I were having a posing contest earlier, and I couldn't beat one of his poses, because he has something I don't have."

Only Mettaton seemed to notice Sans' shuddering; he wondered if he should say something, but then Papyrus spoke up.

"So, brother, that is why I wanted to ask you..."

Papyrus gathered some magic, focusing for a little while, and with a bright flash, he summoned something.

Sans' jaw dropped. Mettaton put a hand on Papyrus' shoulder. Papyrus reached upward and gestured to the orange magic that crowned him.

"Do you know anything about forming magical hair?"

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing a story in this genre; something wants to tell me that I didn't do it right. What do you think?


End file.
